Listed below are the Monthly Practices from our newsletter. Feel free to give them a try as you Move Into Your Power.
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A Little Something Just For You
Thankfully, It’s All Good
Here’s a strategy you can use every year to head into the holiday season with a deep feeling of contentment:
1. Schedule time for yourself–a block of 60 quiet minutes at somewhere peaceful where you won’t be disturbed.
2. When that time comes, turn off your phone. Set a timer and tell those who need to know that you’ll be available again once it goes off.
3. Grab a notebook and a pen, make yourself your favorite beverage, and head to your chosen place, where you can sit and think.
4. Write down your biggest disappointments in 2016. Leave some space between each one to capture your thoughts.
5. Read through each of them, one at a time, and ask yourself, “What good came out of this for me?”
6. Then take a moment to be thankful for that gift, no matter how small it seems right now.
7. Before moving on to the next one, ask yourself, “How can I build on this gift in 2017?”
Once you’ve finished writing out your answers to each one of these questions, you may be surprised at the insights you’ll receive. Over the years, I’ve discovered that some of my greatest gifts have come from what, at the time, felt like my biggest failures.
And yes, this practice might feel difficult. It can feel easier to moan, groan, and cry about the unfairness of life than to consciously look for the gift in any difficulty. Yet, when you take the time to consider them and capture your thoughts, you may discover that finding the gift in every situation is where you’ll find your power.
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True Queens Walk a Different Path
The next time an issue arises and you hear yourself going down the path of saying “If only,” ask yourself these questions:
• Is shifting the blame getting me what I want?
• What do I want instead?
• What actions can I take right now to move forward?
The first few times you try it, it may feel uncomfortable. And, with practice it will prove to be the surest way of walking the path to becoming the true Queen of Your Own Life!
Your Realm—Your Reality—Your Choice – Practice
When your tiger is imaginary, you can instantly drive it away with three simple questions:
• Where have I seen this before?
• What if this is different?
• How does this insight change things?
Restoring your world to a state of tranquility is a Simple Shift from believing your Trash Talk is real to banishing it from your life. It’s your realm—your reality—your choice.
Learn more Simple Shifts that will change your world with Move Into Your Power®. Try it for free today!
Do You Believe In Perfect? – Practice
- Admit them to yourself and to others
- Accept what you can’t change
- Put together a plan to overcome what you can change (develop the needed skills and enlist the help of others)
- Take action based on your plan
- Keeping moving forward
Say “Yes” Like a Queen – Practice
Many of us have a hard time saying no. Many of my clients had the same experience I did: we were raised to believe that saying “yes” was simply the right thing to do. Although the reasons vary, the result is the same. As women, we’re typically the caretakers in our families—and we may even remember learning as kids to wait to “ask Mom” to do something or go somewhere, since most of the time, she’d be far more likely to give us that “yes” we wanted. So our willingness to say “yes” has very deep roots.
Fast-forward to your life right now. Odds are high that it’s nothing like your Mother’s. (It’s not even like your own was five years ago!) So even though we may have the instinct to say “yes” more often than not (whether on the job or at home), life makes it simply impossible to keep up with all the things we’ve agreed to do. A lot of our yeses are more like a noise we make than a true agreement.
When I decided to face this challenge in my own life, I had the good fortune to have a mentor who invited me to consider that all my “yeses” to others required that I say “no” to myself. The only exception was when my yes to someone else was something I really wanted to do—that was a “Two for One Bonus YES!”
Here’s my version of the practice she gave me:
- Consider the possibility that saying “no” is a practice you can build—it teaches you everything you need to know about when to say “yes.”
- If someone asks you to do something, and you feel so delighted that you want to say some version of “HECK YEAH!” right away, say “yes”. That will be your “Two for One Bonus YES!”
- If someone asks you to do something and you feel any version of dread or frustration or some form of obligation, say “Thank you for asking. Let me get back to you on that.”
- Saying that buys you a little time to think about it—you can catch your breath and consider what you really want to do. It takes the heat off you in the moment, so you can say a “yes” you really mean—or a “no”.
- On those occasions that you feel that you “have to say yes” to something you would rather not do, consider the person who asked. If the relationship is important to you, distinguish how this can benefit you or deepen your relationship. Make your “yes” to the relationship, so it becomes the truth. Then do what you said you would.
- On those occasions that you feel that you “have to say yes” to something you would rather not do, consider what it will cost you in the long run. Will you start to resent this person—will you want to avoid them? Will you “say yes and mean no?” Once you consider the cost of a “yes”, give yourself the chance to discover that saying “no” can pay big dividends in increasing the trust in your relationship.
- On those occasions where you’re being given something to do at work that you know you can’t complete with everything else on your plate, invite the person who asked you to choose what’s most important for you to accomplish in the time you have available. This is not the same as saying “no.” It’s saying “yes” to your professional relationship, to your organization’s goals and to building trust between you.
Why not try it out for yourself for the next 30 days and see what you think.
Three Words to Ban from Your Personal Queendom – Practice
Now you know-beating yourself up with Shoulda…Coulda…Woulda… keeps you stuck in the past and prevents you from accessing your power.
When you mentally revisit something you’ve done that didn’t turn out the way you wanted, and you find those three words circling your brain, now you have a choice to do something other than using them to beat yourself up.
• What did I learn in this situation that I didn’t know before?
• What can I do differently next time, now that I know better?
• What is one action I can take right now to address this?
The Queen of Trash Talkin’ – Practice
If you’re tired of being the Queen of Trash Talkin’ Yourself, you can abdicate your throne with a simple shift that will rock your world!
The next time that persistent voice in your head says something negative about you or your abilities, do three things:
1. Stop and take a deep breath. This interrupts the voice.
2. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m saying to myself true?”
3. Replace the negative voice by saying something positive about yourself.
For some of us it may be hard to do. Many of us have a difficult time telling ourselves anything positive. It may help to ask yourself, “What would my best friend say if she/he heard me saying this about myself?”
The good news is that after you do it a few times it gets easier and easier. Eventually that negative voice you’re constantly hearing as the Queen of Trash Talkin’ Yourself will get weaker and weaker until it disappears.
When You Feel Like Crap—It’s a PowerTrap – Practice
Now you know—when you feel like crap, it’s a PowerTrap. So when you find yourself feeling that way, you have the choice to interrupt the feeling whenever you like.
When you feel as if
• You’ve lost the business already
• The coworker has already succeeded at undermining you
• You’re being judged unfairly
• Things are going from bad to worse
ask yourself: “What if this is different?”
Asking this question programs your brain to search for “what else could be true?” about your situation. Asking this question will immediately shift your experience—you will feel it as a physical sensation. You’ve just interrupted your negative emotion with a question and your attention has shifted from feeling to inquiring. You’ll notice the shift right away.
For the next 30 days, why not try this out for yourself? The next time you feel like crap, ask the question and see what happens!
Throw Out Everything You Know About Speaking – Practice
This month’s practice is to consider that your current experience of speaking is only one of three distinct perspectives. If speaking has been a challenge for you up to now, here is a simple shift that you can make to increase your confidence: shift your perspective.
Let’s take those three perspectives one at a time.
- Consider how your speaking feels to you. No matter how public speaking currently feels to you, because it’s your personal experience, it feels like the truth. If it’s unpleasant, it’s very easy to believe that it could never be any different. Ask yourself, “What if it could be?” That one question will help you to see yourself in a different light—and that’s your first step toward accessing your natural speaking ability.
- Consider what you admire in others whose speaking has affected you in a powerful way. If you’ve ever been in the audience of a speaker who’s had a powerful impact on you (like Teresa had on me) you know how transformational it can be. Ask yourself, “What did this speaker do to have such an impact on me?” When you get past your personal experience of speaking and consider it as a natural behavior that can be observed and learned, you will discover how simple it can be to shift.
- Consider what your increased skill in speaking will do for your career. Think about what you could achieve within your organization—or your business—when you can speak confidently and skillfully in any situation. Ask yourself, “How would my increased speaking skill impact my ability to accomplish my business goals?” When you can imagine what’s possible for you, you’ve already begun to shift.
Feel free to post your comments below—let me know what kind of shifts you are able to make with this practice.
At a Crossroads – Practice
Whether you’re at a crossroads right now or you’re simply maneuvering through your life, recognizing that you always have a choice about what you want and how you feel can transform even the most challenging circumstances.
Here’s a simple shift I’ve found very useful to practice and share:
Step One: The moment you feel the onset of any negative emotion, stop and breathe. (Feel free to enjoy every moment of all positive emotions. Unabashedly increase them whenever possible.)
Step Two: Ask yourself, “What do I want right now?”
Step Three: Listen to yourself—then do one thing that’s in your power to do about it right away. (Examples: excuse yourself and walk away or ask a positive question)
The great thing about making this simple shift is that it works every bit as well on the big transitions as it does on the everything challenges we face—those small crossroads where we need to choose an emotion or action.
The only difference is the amount of focus required. There are the big transitions—in which you have to work through the emotions you feel as you uncover what you have to let go and what you have to embrace. This happens at times like these: when your child graduates, you experience a career change, or your life partner retires. These transitions require you to shift continually, as you choose to focus on what you want over several months or even years.
The everyday crossroads we face can be handled with the simple shift of focusing on your emotions in the moment and choosing what we want to do from there.
Try this out for yourself over the next 30 days and see what you discover. Post your thoughts and comments below.
The Simple Shift – Practice
Research shows that how you listen affects what is said. With that in mind here’s a simple shift you can make to create remarkable results all month.
Step 1: Think of someone you really love and how you listen to her or him.
Step 2: Think of a time when you have been ready to argue or disagree with them and you shifted yourself to listen instead. How did you do it? Many people report that some variation of these three behaviors helps them to make that shift: Stop. Breathe. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and listen to them the way you’d want them to listen to you.
Step 3: Now that you know exactly how you made that shift with someone you love, you can use that same behavior with anyone this month. Think about the impact your simple shift had on your conversation with that person—and possibly on your relationship.
Use that behavioral strategy anytime you feel overwhelmed and find it hard to listen. See what happens to all of your conversations—and your relationships—when you do.
That’s all there is to it! Just a simple shift can make all the difference. We’d love for you to post your comments about your experience with this practice.
Jumpstart Your 2016
Open the Door to Your Success – Practice
It’s easy to Jumpstart Your 2016 with a few simple steps that will put your brain to work toward achieving your success right now! (It’s called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and you can find out more about it here.)
Step 1: State what you want.
Be as specific as you can in a sentence or two.
Step 2: See it as real, now.
Picture it as accomplished in your mind’s eye. What does it look like? Add that to your sentences.
Step 3: Feel it as real, now.
Now that you can see it as real, how does it feel to have it? Capture your feelings in a few words and add them to what you’ve written.
Step 4: Hear it as real, now.
Now that you can see it and feel it, what does it sound like to have it? What are you saying? Add these thoughts to complete your sensory experience of achieving what you want.
Now you’ll begin to recognize opportunities to move toward your success. You’ve just effectively programmed your RAS to make them visible to you, because you know exactly what it looks like, feels like and sounds like to get what you want. You’ll be amazed at what you can achieve, now that you’re ready to seize those opportunities as they arrive!
The Secret to Our Success – Practice
As you go through the next month, take the time to recognize the patterns in your life–and pay attention to the meanings you give them. There are no right or wrong here–the point is to get conscious about the meanings you make about the patterns you see.Here are some examples of everyday behavior patterns to get you thinking:
• Getting ready in the morning–for school, for work, getting your kids/grandkids ready
• Visiting someone–a relative, a friend, a stranger, someone sick
• Driving to work–on your first day, when you’ve worked there for years, when you love your job, when you hate your job
Make a list of the patterns you notice. Does the pattern move you forward or hold you back? If the pattern holds you back, what kind of pattern interrupt can you choose to help you replace it with a more effective one?
Try this month and see how your life changes. Share your experience with us on twitter @movein2urpower or on facebook.